


You Should Know

by TonySawicki



Category: Dir en grey
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Frottage, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, Praise Kink, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:27:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25763662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TonySawicki/pseuds/TonySawicki
Summary: “You’re awake! Shit, Kyo, how are you feeling, are you—are you okay?”“I’m fine,” Kyo said, though he wasn’t all that confident in that answer. “What are you doing? Here?”“I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” Die said, his gaze meandering away from Kyo’s. “Someone needed to stay with you." He paused before adding, “You’re not taking care of yourself.”
Relationships: Die/Kyo (Dir en grey)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 35





	You Should Know

**Author's Note:**

> I guess the mood lately is just a lot of Too-Sweet smut, and here is some more, sorry it's so mushy and soft, haha! <3

Kyo blinked his eyes open and was met with the familiar sights of his own bedroom. Everything seemed to be just as it was supposed to be—except for Kyo himself.

He was in his own bed but he had no memory of how he’d gotten there. The dim blue sort of light filtering in from the window didn’t tell him clearly what time of day it was, and his mind felt… foggy.

It wasn’t normal for him to be so completely disoriented. A glance at the bedside table showed his phone wasn’t plugged in in its usual spot, so he couldn’t check the time. That made two things out of place.

He didn’t have a chance to really start panicking, because there were footsteps in the hall, and then his door was opening and _Die_ was walking in, carrying a steaming mug, a crease between his brows that Kyo hated to see there.

Die didn’t seem to notice that he was awake. He just set the mug down and went about the room fussing over other things. Kyo watched as he picked up a jacket that was slung over the back of the desk chair and hung it in the closet, that worried little frown never leaving his face.

Kyo couldn’t imagine what Die was doing in his home. He didn’t _mind_ him being there—he really _liked_ Die, felt quite comfortable around him—but he couldn’t recall having invited him over, or making any arrangements for them to meet. What day was it? Die didn’t have something else to do?

He shifted, trying to sit up just slightly, but it was enough to make his head spin, and the rustle of covers attracted Die’s attention.

In a flash of movement, he was at Kyo’s bedside, something close to panic showing in his eyes.

“You’re awake! _Shit_ , Kyo, how are you feeling, are you—are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Kyo said, though he wasn’t all that confident in that answer. “What are you doing? Here?”

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” Die said, his gaze meandering away from Kyo’s. “Someone needed to stay with you."

Once again Kyo tried to take stock of his own body, to figure out what was wrong. Something had clearly happened, but he couldn’t scrounge up the memory of what, and he hated it.

“What time is it?” he asked. “What _day_?”

“Friday,” Die said. “Almost seven thirty am.”

“Friday,” Kyo repeated, trying to dig up the significance of that. What was—

The live. They were supposed to have a live on Thursday. Had that happened? Surely Kyo ought to at least have some memory of that—and yet he could rarely remember details post-performance even under the most regular of circumstances.

“What… what happened?” he asked hesitantly.

“You don’t remember anything?”

Kyo strained again, but there was nothing clear. If he tried, he could remember the livehouse, sound check, being onstage… He could recall snatches of chaos, people moving around him, talking, jostling, always moving. It was all dimly _painful_ , and sort of frightening, and Kyo found that thinking about it too hard made anxiety creep higher in his chest, almost as much for what he could remember as what he couldn’t.

“I remember… the live,” Kyo said slowly, “but I don’t remember how I got home, or… Is everyone okay?”

Then Kyo saw it happen, the most curious thing, a mask sliding into place, Die’s features shifting until a familiar smile took up residence on his face, so close to being convincing that anyone else might not have noticed.

But Kyo knew Die. He watched him more than he wanted to admit, and to him it was clear that that smile was covering something else.

“Everyone is fine,” Die said. “It really wasn’t a big deal—You just gave us all kind of a—a scare.”

_What kind of scare?_ Kyo ran through what he remembered again, the bits and pieces. Had he ended up hurting himself onstage? He knew there had been times in the past where he’d gotten a little too in-the-moment, gotten carried away and done himself more damage than intended…

“It wasn’t…” Die paused, his smile faltering before he adjusted it. “You collapsed. After the live.”

“Ah. Like… passed out?” That would explain why he didn’t have a strong memory of what had happened.

“No one really knew what had—we just got you to a hospital right away, because it could have been something worse.”

Kyo arched an eyebrow and looked around the room. Obviously, he wasn’t in a hospital.

“We did, we took you there, they had you hooked up to an IV and everything,” Die insisted. “You don’t remember that either? You were kinda fading in and out…”

“It’s pretty fuzzy,” Kyo said. “But I guess the diagnosis couldn’t have been too bleak if they let me go?”

Die wasn’t smiling anymore. “Mostly it’s a bad case of dehydration, overexertion. I—volunteered to take you home and keep an eye on you, since you wouldn’t wanna be stuck in a hospital.”

That was true. Kyo didn’t like going to hospitals even for a quick visit. Waking up in one, disoriented, would have probably sent him spiraling into a panic attack.

"So we got you home in your own bed,” Die said, “but it’s bed rest and fluids for the next little while at least. We’re lucky we don’t have any more shows coming up.”

Kyo winced, and felt all at once extremely grateful that Die had been the one to offer to watch over him. Had it been Kaoru he’d probably have been on his third or fourth lecture by now. “I’m sorry.”

“No, that’s not—” Die cut himself off and sighed. “I—Everyone was worried. It wasn’t just that you were dehydrated, you're also weak, you haven’t been _eating_. Do you even know when the last time you ate was? For once, it’s you instead of me, eh?” He tried for a laugh, but it didn’t quite land. He paused before saying, “You’re not taking care of yourself.”

It looked like Kyo might be in for a lecture after all. “I’ve just been working," he said evasively.

“That much is obvious.” Die was looking down at his own hands. “Don’t—don’t lie to me, and say you’re fine, because I’ve been there, and I know—Seeing you out like that—”

“Was it onstage?” Kyo asked, struck with the sudden worry.

Die shook his head. “Onstage… You made it through the first set. At the end, you were, I dunno, swaying a bit, but it—we thought maybe it was just part of something you were doing. As soon as you walked off, though, you collapsed. Didn’t even make it to the dressing rooms.”

“What about the fans?”

Die gave him a dubious look. “So there was no encore. They’ll live.”

Kyo studied him for a long moment. Despite Die’s attempts at humor, and his repetitions that it wasn’t that big a deal, Kyo could see that Die was _afraid_. He was genuinely worried about Kyo, much more even than he was willing to let on. Setting his hand over Die’s on top of the comforter, Kyo said, “So will I.”

Die didn’t look all that reassured when he eventually met his eyes again. “You’re not taking care of yourself,” he repeated.

It was worse than a lecture from Kaoru, having Die look at him like that. It stirred things in Kyo’s heart that he always put so much effort into ignoring. He hated to feel like he’d let Die down, more than just about anyone, and the smile falling from his face because of Kyo… It hurt.

“I’ll manage,” he tried to say. “I always do.”

“But you shouldn’t _have_ to,” Die said. “You should know—you _don’t_ have to. You don’t have to do everything _alone_.”

“I…” Kyo paused, unsure what he meant to say. He wanted to defend himself, say that he accepted help all the time—when it came to his bands and various side projects, at least. But there were still some areas of his life where he couldn’t let anyone else be responsible for him. No one else should have to bear his burdens.

“You should know that you’re not alone,” Die said. “You have people who will help you, who _want_ to _help_ you, who—who love you.” He swallowed. “I get that you don’t… _need_ someone else, in order to manage. But you should still know.”

He hadn’t pulled his hand away from where Kyo’s lay on top of it, and it seemed for a moment that neither of them could move, attached as they were at this point of contact.

Kyo knew what it _sounded_ like Die was saying, but—he was dehydrated. Maybe he’d hit his head when he’d fallen, and wasn’t hearing things the way they really were.

“Please say something,” Die whispered.

“I’m trying to… I don’t know—Do you mean, that you want to be the person to—help me?”

Die’s hand twitched under Kyo’s. “I want to be…” he trailed off, and what he left unspoken left a physical weight in the room.

“Die,” Kyo said. “I… want you to, too. I want—you.”

Something that looked very much like hope flashed in Die’s eyes. Cautiously, he scooted closer to Kyo on the bed, bent till he was hovering close enough to breathe Kyo’s air.

“I’m not fragile,” Kyo told him, leaning up to brush his lips against Die’s. It could hardly be called a kiss, just light contact, and yet so intimate it burned.

“I know you’re not,” Die breathed. He didn’t back away. “But even someone as strong as you—could use someone at your side, and—”

“Then be at my side.” Kyo tugged at his hand, urging him closer. “You’re right. I want you with me.”

Die allowed himself to be guided nearer, and once he was lying down beside Kyo properly, he kissed him—a real kiss, not careful and hesitant, but raw and clumsy, brimming with feelings long hidden beneath the surface.

It quickly became overwhelming, stole Kyo’s breath away, but he couldn’t hope for it to stop, or even slow down; he just held onto Die more tightly, tangled a hand in his long hair, and tried to kick the blankets off himself so he could hook a leg around Die’s hip.

Die pulled away so he could help, shoving the covers down towards the foot of the bed. He got back into his former position quickly, tucked up next to Kyo. “You shouldn’t strain yourself, you’re still recovering.”

Kyo rolled his eyes. “I told you—”

“I know, you’re not fragile,” Die said. “I’m aware. But that doesn’t mean you need to push yourself, when your health is already not at its strongest. Just—let me help. What do you need? Let me take care of it.”

That earnest patience in Die’s face was too much, and Kyo had to close his eyes just so he wouldn’t have to keep looking at it.

What did he need? Die was right, of course, that he’d been neglecting his own basic needs. None of it had seemed important lately, since he’d gotten into his head and been stuck there. It was always a danger, but he’d gotten pulled deeper into the abyss this time around, and it had been hard to escape the haze of dread and darkness that had been circling round him.

He didn’t want to sink back into that, not now, when Die was there and offering him the most incredibly precious gift of _himself_. He didn’t want to think about the pain or the anxiety or the ever-looming self-doubt that always became such an awful cycle, and left him haunted by the cruelty of his own mind. He didn’t want to think about anything at all.

Kyo kissed Die again, hard and bruising. “I want—I _need_ —to forget about all that shit, just for today, for now. I want to feel _good_ , with you, and not worry about anything else.”

To punctuate this proposal, he pinned Die’s shoulders down on the bed, clambering to straddle him so quickly that he went a little lightheaded, and teetered where he sat, only Die’s sure hands holding him steady.

“I want to do that for you,” Die said, his voice so calm that it seemed to slow Kyo’s heart, grounding him. “But you have to let me take the reins. I can make you feel good without you doing anything to hurt yourself.” He looked up at Kyo without a trace of doubt in his eyes. “Can you let me do that?”

Despite how he was sitting atop him, Kyo didn’t feel he was really in a position to argue. He nodded, and allowed himself to be laid back down with Die over him.

“I’m gonna take care of you,” Die said, keeping his weight balanced off of Kyo. He kissed him again, as if to seal the deal, then moved to nibble at his earlobe and kiss the line of his jaw.

As usual, Kyo felt impatient. Whenever anything was out of his hands, it moved too _slow_ , with too few risks and challenges, and it went against his very nature to lie still and let Die try to soothe him with gentle touches and calming words.

But when Die’s hips rolled against his—Kyo could get onboard with that.

“ _Yes_ ,” he said softly, hoping for more of the same.

Die reached down to grasp Kyo’s hip, to guide him in moving against him, _with_ him, and although Kyo didn’t really need any instructions, he kind of liked the display of strength.

“That’s my good boy,” Die said. “Nice and easy, just like that. You okay, feeling good?”

Kyo nodded, his body relaxing into the continuous motion.

“That’s good.” Die kissed Kyo’s neck, slow, a perfect complement to how they moved against each other, and still not enough of what Kyo wanted.

He felt good and he loved how Die was touching him, but he couldn’t shake that itch for _more_ , _faster_ , _harder_ , and he was on the verge of begging for it already.

But just as a soft whine escaped him, Die’s hand moved from Kyo’s hip to between them, to squeeze and massage between Kyo’s legs with no warning at all.

Kyo pushed up eagerly into the touch, his mouth falling open.

“Mm, getting hard for me already,” Die said, approval loud in his quiet voice. “So responsive, you feel so good in my hand.”

Kyo couldn’t deny that he was hard, or that he was hungry for whatever Die would give him. It had been too long since he’d gotten to feel any of this, and Die was exactly the person with whom he wanted all of it. If only he could get him to speed up a little…

He tried to be cooperative, to take his cues from Die, to encourage more of what he was getting. “I like how your hand feels on me, it’s—yeah, m-more of that is good.”

Die chuckled. “I’m glad. I’ve been waiting a long time to touch you like this.”

That grabbed Kyo’s attention, had him opening his eyes to try and catch Die’s gaze. “Have you really?”

“Mmhmm.” The heel of Die’s hand rubbed against the base of Kyo’s cock. “Ever since that time, years ago, when I walked in on you.”

“Walked in on…?”

“I haven’t been able to forget it,” Die said, breathy, like it was some dark confession. “I wanted you before then, but that was… kind of a turning point, I guess.”

Kyo wracked his brain, trying to remember the occasion to which Die was referring, but it was hard to pick it out of a sea of vague memories of touring with his bands—moreso when Die’s hand was still being extremely distracting.

“Remind me?"

For a few long seconds, Die said nothing, but then he began, his voice low, “It was after a live, in the showers… You were facing away from me when I came in, one hand braced against the wall, and I didn’t think anything of it at first—until I noticed what your other hand was doing.”

“I was jerking off?” It sounded dimly familiar, but to be fair, there was no shortage of times Kyo had taken care of himself in the shower.

“I didn’t expect to find you like that,” Die said. “When you heard me come in, you looked over your shoulder, but never stopped what you were doing.” Die’s fingers inched up to the waistband of Kyo’s pants and slipped beneath the material to curl around his cock. “You just… licked your lips, then your mouth fell open, and your head dropped forward so you could watch your own hand…” He didn’t continue, most of his focus apparently diverted to how he was stroking Kyo inside his pants.

It was easy for Kyo’s focus to go there, too—Die’s hand felt like absolute heaven—but he wanted to hear the rest of the story, so he grasped Die’s wrist. “And then what?”

Die’s hand paused and he let out a breathy laugh. “I don’t know how it ended for you. I thought if I stayed to watch, well… there would be no coming back from that. All I could do was run away before I embarrassed us both.” His face turned even softer as he looked at Kyo, and his thumb moved in a dizzying circle around the head of Kyo’s cock. “You were never embarrassed, though, not for a second. There was no shame in how you cared for yourself at all, and that… That look on your face has haunted me ever since.”

“Not haunted in a bad way, though?”

Die gave him a bemused look.

“Like a piece of music haunts you,” Kyo insisted. “Something you can’t forget because it burrows down deep and becomes a part of you.”

Slowly, Die nodded. “Like that.”

He’d stopped touching him, his hand retreating to rest on Kyo’s hip, on the outside of his clothing, but the heat of his touch still burned Kyo to the core.

“Please,” Kyo said, rolling his hips as if that might remind Die where to put his attention.

“I’ve got you,” Die said, and he shifted to pull down both Kyo’s pants and his own, so that their bare cocks were free to rub so perfectly together.

The impulse was still there, for Kyo to just take for himself, to not wait for Die to catch up, but he let it go, let himself melt into the way Die’s hand wrapped around both of them, the _goodness_ of it. He’d gotten so used to relying on no one but himself he could hardly remember the last time he’d let someone else make him feel _good_ like that.

He was whispering things, fragments of thoughts that hadn’t had a chance to fully form, but he didn’t know or care what he was saying as long as it didn’t inadvertently cause Die to stop. Kyo didn’t want him to stop, ever.

“I’m not stopping,” Die assured him. “You’re so beautiful, so good, thank you for letting me give you this.”

Kyo just whined, unable to respond more coherently.

“Absolutely perfect.” Die kissed his neck again, sucked at the sensitive area below his jawline. “That’s it, just let go, let it all go.”

And Kyo did, his lips parting as he came, not _suddenly_ , but _completely_ , and to his immense satisfaction. The stress and pain he always carried with him ebbed away in gentle release, and he floated there for a few minutes, breathing into that calm.

He didn’t even notice Die finding his end as well, was only half-aware of his own name, gasped into his hair. He registered a bit more clearly Die adjusting the blankets so that he could properly climb into bed with Kyo and wrap an arm around him.

“Stay with me,” Kyo said softly.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Die said. “But that, ah, might’ve used up a good amount of your energy, so why don’t you go back to sleep?”

That sounded like a pretty good idea to Kyo. “You too?”

“I’ll be right here the whole time,” Die said, and pressed a kiss to Kyo’s temple.

So Kyo fell asleep, peacefully, knowing that for once, he really was not alone.


End file.
